Field notes, January 2026
Gratitude has a role in easing friction and changing behavior
Welcome to Field Notes, where I share bite-sized ideas to shift how we experience, engage, and talk about disagreement.
Field guide: Phil Gerbyshak
Field Guide is where I ask three questions of people whose habits are good guidance and worth learning from.
Today we benefit from master connector and the author of Substack’s The Happiness Practices. Phil is a human magnet—wherever he is in the room, people are drawn to him, pulled in by his natural warmth, good humor, and generosity of spirit.
One belief that guides how you approach conflict? I try to approach conflict as a misunderstanding between two people, and that guides me in trying to understand the other person.
One personal quality you nurture for disagreeing better? Curiosity. I do everything I can to be more curious whenever I have a disagreement with someone, which means I listen more deeply, I reduce my defensiveness, I uncover shared ground, and I model respect.
One interpersonal hack you wish everybody knew? Listen to understand the other person, not to respond. If we all listened more and responded less, the world would be a much more understanding place.
Field study
Field Study is where I share something I’ve spotted that’s worth thinking about.
Personal characteristics and habits are a common source of tension and conflict in relationships. So I’m intrigued by two studies that examine a familiar question: how to increase the odds that a partner follows through on a change they’ve agreed to try.
The researchers found that what we do after someone agrees to try may matter as much as the request itself. Expressing gratitude can foster a partner’s motivation to change:
[The] findings do suggest that, if you ask your partner to change something about themselves or their behaviour, and they say they are willing to try, being grateful will help them to develop their own motivation to make that change, making it more likely to happen.
The article notes several limitations in the second study. Find more about the studies here: How gratitude can help you get more from your relationship.
Field test
Field Test is where I offer one small practice to try out, a tiny experiment in the quest to build habits that stick.
This month’s field test:
When a partner or colleague adjusts their behavior in the way you asked, express your gratitude.
This kind of tiny experiment benefits from steady use, but be careful of gratitude that starts to seem scripted or excessive.